*Disclaimer: ​I am not a certified or professional therapist. I just have been in individual and group therapy for 3+ years, and have had many conversations with others who are therapists, therapists in training and people on their healing journeys who are activists and community workers.

​Let’s make it clear. Codependency isn’t a bad thing as a concept. The idea that all living things including humans aren’t dependent on each other for survival or shouldn’t be is unrealistic. We wouldn’t actually survive as a planet if we didn’t depend on each other. Everything in nature depends on the other. Remember Avatar?! Where the trees communicate to each other and the entire network of trees are one integrated network underground?! That is actually true in real life! And think of permaculture — the entire ecosystem is reliant on one another to continue thriving in its environment.

Also, Amir Levine, and Rachel S.F. Heller, share an experiment in their book “Attached.: The New Science of Adult Attachment and How It Can Help You Find-And Keep-Love.” that is super interesting. The experiment performed by Dr. Coan, director of the Affective Neuroscience Laboratory at the University of Virginia found an interesting physiological relationship between individuals in romantic relationships. The hypothalamus becomes activated when we are under stressful situations. In the experiment, women were asked to wait alone, and when told that a mild electric shock would come, their hypothalamus lit up under the MRI scanner. When they were asked to hold a stranger’s hand while they waited, they have somewhat reduced activity in the hypothalamus. Then they were asked to hold the hands of their husbands, and the dip was very dramatic, their stress levels were barely detectable. They concluded that there is a distinct impact that our partners can have on our blood pressure, heart rate, breathing and levels of hormones in our blood and that dependency is a fact, not a choice.
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The following writings are on the UNHEALTHY levels of dependence between people and organizations however. There is a balance somewhere between these healthy levels of dependency that we find in nature and in these strong, healthy romantic relationships and the over-exertion, and self-sacrificial type of behaviour where only one side benefits that we find in martyrs and activists.
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I'm going to tell you about a day, a day that I was feeling incredibly down. I felt no purpose in life, in interacting with people, in keeping up appearances, in showing up in any arena of my life, in speaking up, of waking up, of eating, nothing. 

I had just spent 2 days writing evvverything I could possibly think of that I had an inkling to accomplish in life. Some I was meh about, they were activities or lifestyles that seemed too simple or easy, too predictable that I would do that, not challenging enough, not world-changy enough. Others were of the thinking: "hmm that would be funn!!!", or "I could totally do that and do it well", or "well I am kinda talented in this, so I guess I could do that too, why not!".

I re-read this long list the next morning and none of them clicked. It was like I was high and you think all your ideas are incredible and life-changing and then you look at it the next day un-high and you ask yourself what the hell is so special about what you wrote. Well I wasn't high, but somehow the magic did fade. I got frustrated. I tried to visualize some of them, I closed my eyes and meditated on them, I could see them in my mind's eye but they didn't evoke a sense of inspiration, excitement, anxiousness and energy at all. 

​Then I ended up browsing Facebook the rest of the day, listening to some epic movie scores to be the soundtrack of my moody-existential-crisis-type day, and I found this article, entitled "7 STRANGE QUESTIONS THAT HELP YOU FIND YOUR LIFE PURPOSE". Yep, yet another personal development list under 10 of things to consider and think about. I clicked on it anyway. And I don't know if it was the combination of the epic movie soundtracks and the privacy in my room, and the notepad I liked, or what but the answers came flowing through. I was really in a state of receiving and allowing the answers to come through me as a medium. I had never really heard of Mark Manson before, but I went through the 7 questions, and the last 2 questions realllly struck a cord. It was clear, my purpose was literally clear to me. And it turned out that simple, clear one that I had written in my long list WAS the one! It was the one I thought wasn't world-changy enough, but I knew that I would find so much joy in doing for the rest. of. my. entire. life. If you haven't read the About Me on the Home page, essentially, it was to visit communities around the world, help them in any way I can, and showcase their work to the world! My body as my vessel, my knowledge/skills as my contribution. That simple. The how I was going to get there wasn't answered but that never really is the key to manifesting anything and I'm currently working on that one. But these questions are what inspired me to start this very website you're reading and to start #BareWitness again and take it out of its year-long hiatus after a very small-scale blip of a pilot test. 

Take a look at the questions he asks!  I hope it helps you too!